I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
