So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
How's work?
Spinning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
