Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
