He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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