Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
