Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
