I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
