I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
