I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
