I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
