the condom got lost in my hair
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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