I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Blood and glitter go together right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
