bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
