I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
