eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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