ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
