Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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