nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
two words: eviction party
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
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I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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