Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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