I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
