I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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