I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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