i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize