If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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