i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
