OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
