we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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