I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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