I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
