But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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