I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
