peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
