Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
