I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
