I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
