I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
