Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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