Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
