walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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