The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
