No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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