Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
