I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
