I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There are leaves in my underwear?
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