and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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