just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
