i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I AM VODKA MAN
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
