But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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