The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
