Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
