Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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