This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
