This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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