The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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