i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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