PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
