i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
