The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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