Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
