I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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