life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
