you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
