So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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