I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Randomize
