Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
